Coffee with Sher

Monday, June 17, 2013

These Are My Confessions...

I have a confession. I love reality TV, especially the Kardashians. I have a wedding board on Pinterest. I think those are my most embarrassing guilty pleasures.

I can justify all my guilty pleasures. I like reality TV because I don't have to think. When I'm done writing papers, memorizing tables, listening to lectures, reading articles and textbooks, filling in worksheets, and participating in discussions for school I can watch something that is from a different world. When I'm done with thinking about my clients needs, feelings, thoughts, emotions, and what they are trying to say I can watch reality TV and not have to figure out the people. I don't have to fix their problems. I don't have to advocate for them. Don't get me wrong I adore my clients, but it takes physical, emotional, and mental energy to put myself in three different pairs of shoes for seven hours. I didn't even know who the Kardashians were for the longest time. Then one day between semesters I wanted to watch some reality TV from Netflix and came across the Kardashians. Now I love Khloe.

I have a wedding board on Pinterest. Deal with it. It can scare off guys. I don't care. I don't care because I'm not sitting around hoping for a groom. One time I was looking at a wedding magazine at Barns and Noble with my boyfriend at the time. He said he was getting freaked out that I was planning our wedding. I believe my response was something like, "I said 'my' wedding. I didn't say it was your wedding." I have a wedding board because I love weddings. I also love to plan. I also have a ton of pins related to clean eating, crafts, clothes, makeup, hair, and more. And guess what. I try to plan things based off of those boards also.

I try to plan meals. I try to plan what I'm going to buy as far as makeup, clothes, hair products, and more. I try to plan outfits. I. Plan. Everything. It. Rarely. Works. I try to plan how much weight I'll loose and when. I try to take into account things that would hinder me like the holidays and things that would help me like school breaks. Speaking of school. . . I try to plan how much time I will study, what I will study, and when I will study. Even as a kid I would get really excited about something, but would get really upset when it didn't go exactly as planned. I remember being on a swing thinking about how old I was, how old I would be when I graduated high school, and how old I would be when I graduated college. When I played with Barbies I would just hold the Barbie and think about how old it would be when it got married and how old it would be when it had each kid. Then I would do that for all the kids. I. Plan. Everything. It. Rarely. Works.

God has a sick sense of humor. "Let's make Sherica! Let's make her a planner. Lets teach her about how We have a plan for her, but only let her know part of it. When all she wants to do is obey Us Let's make her wait to find out what she is supposed to do. Then We'll tell her to go to school to be a nurse. She'll think she knows the plan. She'll think that since she was accepted into the nursing program that she'll graduate in two years. Then Let's not let her pass some classes so it takes longer. In the meantime Let's let her get fatter and fatter. We'll let her self-esteem break down and confuse her on the plan." That is as far as I can quote God (if you will). I'm hoping the rest of it is something like, "Now that she is hopeless Let's teach her to rely on Us. She'll do great in classes. She'll lose weight. One day she'll look back on this year and think of how far she has come in every area of her life."

Here is another confession. I've been seeing a therapist. My mom recomended that I see one. My mom thought I was depressed. My therapist agreed. I brought up to the therapist (Sandra) that some days I think I have ADD. So she asked me some questions and she thinks I have depression and ADD. Depression and ADD symptoms can be similar. I said that I've always wondered if I have ADD. I said that if we get the ADD taken care of I'll be less depressed. So next week I have an appointment with my nurse practitioner to talk about depression medication I could take at least until we get the ADD thing figured out. I got the classes I needed for fall so I just hope I'm in better mental and emotional shape by then.

In the meantime it is clear that my plans aren't working. So I'm going to quit planning so much and pretend my life is a workout. I'm good at working out. I'm always telling myself, "one more rep," "one more set," "you can slow you pace when you get to that light-pole," "just hold this yoga pose a few more seconds," "you can always do more than you think you can," "think of how proud you'll be if you stick to this," "think of how disappointed you'll be if you give up." So tomorrow I'll just get out of bed. I'll just make breakfast. I'll just do my devotions. I'll just go to work. I'll just put my running clothes on. Maybe I'll even run...


Another version says, "sound mind" in place of "self-discipline." Interesting.

Final confession today.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Yeaaaa. I'm going to have to ask you to read my blog. Yeaaaa.

So I don't really have a topic. Last night I couldn't sleep. I contemplated pulling an all-nighter and going to the gym, but I had just watched three episodes of Criminal Minds. I wasn't going to be the blond that everyone is yelling at to go back inside where it is safe. Us blonds always die first. So I stayed in the safety of my bedroom with the exception to go to the bathroom or get another movie. Whenever I did step out of my room I would look around every corner as if I had a plan for when I confronted my attacker. Side note after being up for hours longer than I planned I was hungry. So I had hard boiled eggs. I can't get enough of them. Anyway I slept from 4am to noon. Did you know that nothing goes on after 2:30 am? At noon I had breakfast, went to the gym to work on arms, then worked on some random stuff. I made pancakes for dinner. Don't you wish your life was like mine.

So that's all I have.

I'm Sorry I Lied

So I gave up on the cleanse. It worked in that I lost 4 lbs the first 5 days. It worked in that I lost 1/2 inch on my hips and 3/4 inch on my waist. It was doable. I just kept making mistakes. I would forget to take something or I would take something the wrong day. By day 9 I didn't think I was cleansed. I think I lost weight and inches because I was eating sooooo well. So I guess I lied. I'm honestly sorry that I can't give you a good review. I blame it on my yet to be diagnosed ADD. Maybe I'll give it another go later. Right now it is clear my brain can't keep up with me.

When I decided to give up on the cleanse I was pretty down. It was just the next area of my life that has failed. From what I understand eating disorders can come about when someone feels that don't have any control. They feel that if there is one thing in their life they can control it is what they eat. Growing up I had it drilled into my head that while one might feel in control with an eating disorder it is actually a sign that one has no control. I think if this wasn't drilled into my head and I didn't have a good understanding of how the body works I could have turned to an eating disorder. So in short when I made a perfect plan for the cleanse, organized it, and had back up plans, but I still couldn't control it. I felt completely and utterly defeated.

I hung out with my family that day and two people asked about my mood. My uncle asked if I had a bad day. I didn't. He said I seemed crabby earlier. I wasn't. My mom asked if I was depressed. I had wondered. Depression runs in my family plus I had the perfect storm; what with failing at life and all. So that was yesterday.

Today I skipped breakfast. I went to church. If you're a Christian (maybe even if you aren't) you have been in church or heard something and you were sure that people had been listening to your thoughts because it was exactly what you needed to hear. For those of you that don't know that would be God talking to you weather you believe in Him or not. Well here is what I got out of the sermon today. All things I knew, but had slipped my mind lately. (Pardon my jumbled thoughts)

Satan wants us to be/feel isolated
Satan wants us to feel like failures
God wants us to know His power toward us
God wants us to find our worth in him
Our purpose is to point other people to God
We have hope when we submit to Him

These points were from Ephesians 1:15-23.

So I have been feeling isolated. I had two good friends move. One will be back in the fall, but still. I've also grown apart from another good friend. I'm only working every other weekend right now. Even when I was in school this semester I did most of it on-line. So sometimes I can go a couple days without seeing anyone.

Well Satan did a good job making me feel like a failure. I'm starting to think that God isn't letting me succeed. Even if I'm right about that I should/can rely on God and His plan instead of thinking that I'm just going to suck. Does that make sense? I don't have any hard feelings toward God if He really isn't letting me succeed. I've learned first hand before that when my perfect plans don't work I actually like God's plan more.

About God's power, my worth, my purpose, and hope... You generally need to be focusing on God to get any of those things taken care of. Yea...no wonder i feel isolated.

So in conclusion I should get back to reading my Bible, praying, and just eating healthy then life should get better. Right?

P.S.

I have YouVersion on my phone and LOVE it! That is what the pics are from.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge: Days 3 & 4

Day 3
So Saturday I had the day off. I had just gotten myself out of bed to work out. I was on-call for work, but hadn't gotten the phone yet. I got a text from a coworker that said that that the other girl wasn't coming in and no one else could cover the shift. She was having back spasms. Sure she was. Copy cat. So instead of working out I quickly changed out of my workout clothes, packed food, picked up the on-call phone, and got my butt to work. I was not happy.

I went to my cousin's birthday party after work. I did the best I could with what I had. I had a cheeseburger without a bun. I had watermelon, cherry tomatoes, and cabbage salad. The cabbage salad wasn't completely cleanse friendly. I also had a piece of cake. I need to stay on plan 90% so I'm pretty proud of day 3.

Day 4
Normally when I work Sundays I work in the afternoon. Today I worked the morning for the same girl. I woke up when I wanted to leave for work. I literately thanked God that I had my clothes and food picked out already.

After work I went straight to my parents' house for Mother's Day. I totally forgot to get a picture with my mom or grandma. I did however think to take pictures of my hair as my aunt played with it.

I tried to stick to 90% again, but with less success. I started out with a lean steak and cherry tomatoes. I had a piece of cheese cake. I had tea. I had a small piece of cake from yesterday. Later I had another small piece of leftover cake. Later I had a second piece of cheesecake. Even later I had some white as white can be bread.

My family tries to be supportive. When my family gets together it goes like this without fail.

Big meal
Conversation at the table after the big meal
Dessert
Games
Leftovers for dinner
Games and dessert

Once the food is made it sits on the counter all day. So I did fine for the big meal. It was the sweets tempting me all day that got to me.

In the big picture I'll get together with my family and the food situation won't change. I don't want it to change. We bond over the food. I'm convinced we have a little bit of Italian in us because we are loud and love to eat. I asked my mom one time and she said that we didn't. Clearly she is wrong. Anyway I feel like the challenge isn't going well.

It started late due to not having my brain (phone)
The food I packed for work went bad in my car
Two family events in a row

I tried to be prepared, but things happen. I tried to schedule the challenge for a good time, but there will never be a good time. In the words of Tony Horton, "Do your best and forget the rest." I have high hopes for tomorrow!

Friday, May 10, 2013

AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge: Day 2 Purposely Untilted

When I was thinking about what to call this post I came up with "Screw-day Tuesday" then I realized that it is Friday. So I'll let you name this post. Today did not go as well as yesterday. I overslept so I didn't have breakfast until 11 am. I did something to my back at 11:30 am. From 11:30 to 1 pm I did five things. I made an appointment with my chiropractor. I text my co-workers to see if anyone would work for me at 2 pm. I called my supervisor to give her a heads up. I also packed food for work in the event that I was going to work anyway. Lastly I showered.

At 1:30 my chiropractor said that she wouldn't let me work. At 2 pm I was at work giving my supervisor directions on how to do the things I couldn't do. I forgot my food in my car. By the time I got to it I was starving and it was at a dangerous temperature. I ate the almonds and had a spark. I ate the pizza that was being served for dinner. Then I felt sick. Thankfully someone was coming in to cover for me at 6:30 pm. I went home to change into my sweat pants. I iced my back and took ibuprofen and ate grapes.

After about 30 min of icing I was a new person. I packed some fresh food and came to my parents to see visiting family. They were having Mexican. I had left over quinoa, peppers, and fish. Tomorrow is my 3 year old cousin's birthday party. We'll see how that goes.

In the spirit of a new way of thinking I'm not going to think

Since I ate the pizza I should just give up and eat whatever I want the rest of the day.
I can't eat healthy.
If I don't do this perfectly why do it at all.

Things I will think

On the bright side I resisted the temptation to also eat the cookies at work.
I also didn't binge on pizza. I had one serving to tide me until I got home to my healthy food.
I ate healthy the rest of the day.
I didn't have any simple sugars yesterday.
I didn't have any sweets today.
I didn't have a bed time snack last night or tonight.
I've been less picky about my food, especially grapes.
This is a long term change. Today was a crazy day. There will be other crazy days. Today I did the best I could. One serving of pizza isn't going to ruin everything.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge: Day 1

So I didn't have my phone for almost a week. Long story. My life is on my phone. Examples: my recipes, my grocery list, ect. Due to that the 24 Day Challenge was put on hold. I finally got my act together on day six of no phone. I did a quick menu plan late at night. The next morning I went shopping. That evening I did some food prep.

Menu Planning
I've never actually planned a menu. Isn't the idea behind it to save money? I tried. I came up with a few three recipes, but mostly just listed food. I didn't try to make a pattern or use same ingredients throughout. Clearly I don't know what I'm doing. So I came up with lunch and dinner ideas for five days then copied and pasted for the next five days. (The cleanse is the first ten days of the 24 Day Challenge.) If you have any tips on meal planning or know of a good app let me know!

Shopping
Due to my poor meal planning, being unfamiliar with several things on my "list" (random papers and pictures on my phone), and being low on sleep shopping took forever. Fooorever. Fooorever. (Name that movie!)

Answer: The Sandlot

Food Prep
So I was very tired and crabby by the time I got my groceries home. KFC ended up in my car on the way home too. Weird. I know. So I ate KFC then did some meal prep. I measured out fruit servings and put them in baggies. I did the same for almonds and carrots. I looked at my "menu." It said that I would be having fish, veggies, and quinoa for the first meal. So I came up with a marinade for the fish (rice vinegar, a clove of garlic, and fennel seeds).

Pig out
I have eaten like a pig for several weeks now. Even so I felt the need to pig out last night. It wasn't even that good. Then I felt gross. O well. What's done is done and today things will turn around. They better or else. If this 24dc doesn't change my habits then I'll be beside myself. Today went well overall anyway.

Day 1
First I had a bunch of pills and a fiber drink. I might have gagged a few times. I'm a picky eater in the morning. I used to gag on any food in the morning. It took years to make myself like breakfast. Now I can't go without it. About once every six months I'll be in a hurry and skip it then regret skipping. The fiber drink is just for the first ten days. One down nine to go!

Breakfast was a chocolate meal replacement. The flavor was fine, but I forgot to make ice yesterday so it wasn't very smoothie or shake like. I have ice ready for tomorrow though!

Mini meal one was a banana with almond butter and cinnamon. I had never had almond butter. It was fine. I don't see what the big deal is. When this jar is used up I'll be going back to my natural peanut butter.

Lunch was my fish. When I broiled the fish I made the quinoa in the left over marinade (I had to add some water for there to be enough liquid). I sauteed a green and a red pepper in chicken broth. I mixed the peppers with the quinoa. I plopped the fish on top. It was surprisingly good. I'm not big on peppers or fish. I wouldn't be me if I didn't have my own challenges within the 24dc so I came up with some mini goals.

Try new foods (especially veggies)
Find ways to enjoy/eat more fish
NO BEDTIME SNACK! (This one is hard at this moment. Maybe I'll have tea)

Mini meal two was a hard boiled egg and red grapes. I accidentally bought the kind with seeds. I was really grossed out when my grapes kept crunching in my mouth until I figured it out.

Dinner was brown rice, chicken, and cherry tomatoes. I tried to make the rice and chicken have flavor. Well it had flavor all right. I used a lot of lemon juice, a little lemon rind, and two cloves of garlic. WOW! I couldn't eat the rice it was so sour. The chicken was fine, but a little shocking at first.

I also had two Sparks throughout the day. I'll go into more detail on the products and the plan another day.

Here are some quotes that have been on my mind as I start this challenge.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

My Favorite Things!

I told you I would do a more cheerful post! I like lists even more than I like plans. So here is a list of my favorite things (read that to the tune from The Sound of Music).

Things I'm obsessed with: (not in any particular order)

1. Lists
2. Plans