I'm Sorry I Lied

So I gave up on the cleanse. It worked in that I lost 4 lbs the first 5 days. It worked in that I lost 1/2 inch on my hips and 3/4 inch on my waist. It was doable. I just kept making mistakes. I would forget to take something or I would take something the wrong day. By day 9 I didn't think I was cleansed. I think I lost weight and inches because I was eating sooooo well. So I guess I lied. I'm honestly sorry that I can't give you a good review. I blame it on my yet to be diagnosed ADD. Maybe I'll give it another go later. Right now it is clear my brain can't keep up with me.

When I decided to give up on the cleanse I was pretty down. It was just the next area of my life that has failed. From what I understand eating disorders can come about when someone feels that don't have any control. They feel that if there is one thing in their life they can control it is what they eat. Growing up I had it drilled into my head that while one might feel in control with an eating disorder it is actually a sign that one has no control. I think if this wasn't drilled into my head and I didn't have a good understanding of how the body works I could have turned to an eating disorder. So in short when I made a perfect plan for the cleanse, organized it, and had back up plans, but I still couldn't control it. I felt completely and utterly defeated.

I hung out with my family that day and two people asked about my mood. My uncle asked if I had a bad day. I didn't. He said I seemed crabby earlier. I wasn't. My mom asked if I was depressed. I had wondered. Depression runs in my family plus I had the perfect storm; what with failing at life and all. So that was yesterday.

Today I skipped breakfast. I went to church. If you're a Christian (maybe even if you aren't) you have been in church or heard something and you were sure that people had been listening to your thoughts because it was exactly what you needed to hear. For those of you that don't know that would be God talking to you weather you believe in Him or not. Well here is what I got out of the sermon today. All things I knew, but had slipped my mind lately. (Pardon my jumbled thoughts)

• Satan wants us to be/feel isolated
• Satan wants us to feel like failures
• God wants us to know His power toward us
• God wants us to find our worth in him
• Our purpose is to point other people to God
• We have hope when we submit to Him

These points were from Ephesians 1:15-23.

So I have been feeling isolated. I had two good friends move. One will be back in the fall, but still. I've also grown apart from another good friend. I'm only working every other weekend right now. Even when I was in school this semester I did most of it on-line. So sometimes I can go a couple days without seeing anyone.

Well Satan did a good job making me feel like a failure. I'm starting to think that God isn't letting me succeed. Even if I'm right about that I should/can rely on God and His plan instead of thinking that I'm just going to suck. Does that make sense? I don't have any hard feelings toward God if He really isn't letting me succeed. I've learned first hand before that when my perfect plans don't work I actually like God's plan more.

About God's power, my worth, my purpose, and hope... You generally need to be focusing on God to get any of those things taken care of. Yea...no wonder i feel isolated.

So in conclusion I should get back to reading my Bible, praying, and just eating healthy then life should get better. Right?

P.S.

I have YouVersion on my phone and LOVE it! That is what the pics are from.